Old Memories

Mark got the call in one in the morning. He was already awake at that hour, reviewing the most recent chapter of his legal studies text book. The soft voice on the other end of the phone urged him to come at once, so he did. He only hesitated for a moment before turning on his car. Once inside, Mark sped down the dark streets.

He brought the car to a sudden halt, parking crooked in the space closest to the hospital’s front doors. Remembering to breathe, Mark ran for it. Inside the front waiting room, he franticly looked around for the information desk. Yet before going over to it, Mark heard a crisp female voice calling out his name. Spinning on his heel, he looked for its source. Sitting on one of the uncomfortable blue chairs was a familiar blonde.

“Samantha, what the hell is going on? I got a call about Addison. They told me she was in an accident, that it was bad,” Mark rambled on to the girl he had not spoken to in months. Putting a hand on his shoulder, Samantha sat Mark down.

“Yeah, it’s bad. She…she hasn’t woken up yet,” Samantha sighed and then watched Mark cover his face. “Look, I don’t want to sound rude, but what are you doing here? You two broke up and…”

“That’s not important right now,” Mark nearly shouted at Samantha. She did not react, but just sat still while Mark fretted. He jumped out of his seat, and then walked around the chair in circles. Samantha watched him for a minute or two, but then turned her attention to watching the information desk. When Matt collapsed on the chair again, she did not look up. “I…I’m still listed as her emergency contact,” Mark sighed and ruffled up his hair.

“Better you than her family,” Samantha grunted. Mark nodded in agreement.

“Have you gotten a hold of them?” he asked. She shook her head.

“You know them, always gone. But I left messages on every single phone that family owns,” she told him.

“So it’s just us then?” Mark muttered, lowering his head again. Samantha nodded, but then quickly jumped to her feet once she spotted a doctor. Waving for Mark to follow, she ran over to the man. It took Mark a moment to register what was happening and once he was at Samantha’s side, he heard the doctor say that Addison was awake now. “Thank God. Where is she?” Mark exclaimed. The doctor looked at him with confusion, but Mark was soon running down the halls of the hospital. He heard Samantha chasing after him, yelling for him to stop. He didn’t listen, but searched every room until he saw a familiar face sitting up in a bed.

“Addie!” he yelled at her. The pale young woman looked up at him and blinked slowly. Addison looked tired, which was to be expected. Her head was bandaged, but he could see several smaller cuts along the side of her face. A cast covered her entire left arm. “You don’t look half bad for being pulled out of a car accident a few hours ago,” he teased her, smiling with relief. Addison did not react, she just watched him with a blank expression.

“Excuse me sir, but you should not be talking to her. She…” Mark ignored the doctor’s urging and hurried to Addison’s bedside. He sat down on the chair and took her free hand.

“Look, Addie, I know you’re probably not thrilled to see me considering…but that’s not important now. I just had to see you, to make sure you’re ok. I couldn’t imagine if you…”

“Ú-chenion. Man le?”

Mark froze as Addison spoke. She looked at him, leaning forward as she awaited an answer. Mark however, turned around to stare at the doctor, slack jawed. The doctor waved for him to join he and Samantha in the hallway. Quickly releasing her hand, Mark slipped away.

“What the hell was that?” he snarled at the doctor.

“To be honest, we’re not entirely sure,” the man sighed.

“Not sure?” Samantha whispered.

“How the hell are you not sure about her condition?” Mark raised his voice, and Samantha quickly placed a hand on his arm.

“No, we know her condition. We just don’t know what language she is speaking. None of the doctors here recognize it,” the doctor explained.

“So the car accident…taught her another language?” Samantha asked, trying to understand.

“What the hell is going on?” it was all Mark could say, over and over again.

“No, that’s not what happened. Your friend has selective amnesia. She’s only remembering specific things. This new language was one spoken by her before,” the doctor continued.

“What the…”

“So she can remember?” Samantha quickly cut Mark off. The doctor nodded, but his attention was captured by a beeping pager. He excused himself so Mark and Samantha were left alone.

“So she might not remember anything. Sure as hell looked like she didn’t recognize me,” Mark sighed, pulling back his brown hair.

“No, don’t you start now,” Samantha reprimanded him. Mark played innocent, but Samantha angrily grabbed him by the elbow. He gave a little shout, but Samantha hushed him. “You dumped her. You ended things. This is not a chance to get back in her pants,” she hissed.

“Don’t be like that,” Mark scowled at her. Even though she released his arm, Samantha was not done with him.

“So you won’t deny it? Is that why you came? To get back in her good graces?” she retorted. Again Mark denied nothing. He paced in the hall, every few seconds looking into Addison’s room. Taking him by the arm, Samantha dragged Mark back to the waiting room. “After you left her, Addie was a wreck. She lost herself in…” suddenly Samantha stopped herself. An idea was growing in her mind, and Mark wanted to inquire after it. When he opened his mouth, Samantha pushed him towards the door. “Go to her place and try to find out what language she’s speaking,” she told him.

“How do you know it will be there?” Mark sighed. Samantha told him she just knew and rushed him out. Grumbling, Mark shuffled out to his car. It was light out now, even though the sun was behind the hospital. The air was nippy, and Mark regretted running out of the house without any jacket. Inside his car was warmer, but just a tad. After turning the heat on, he backed out slowly. Mark drove slowly on his way to Addison’s apartment. He wanted time and silence to think before entering what used to be his home. He didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay at the hospital. There he could deal with everything not alone with taunting memories. Even driving down familiar streets and walking up the steps made him uncomfortable.

Behind the door was much worse. The apartment reeked of stale old books. Addison loved the scent, but it always stung Mark’s nose. He flicked the lights on and then sighed. Samantha was not exaggerating when she said that Addison lost herself. The place was a mess, much messier than he ever remembered. Old hard covers were left open all over her desk and bed. Old maps were pinned to every inch of the walls. Empty soda cans piled up in the tiny trash can. Within one minute of being in the apartment, Mark had knocked over a canister of pens, a bag of chips, and three books. While he picked everything up, Mark quickly glanced over the first book.

“A Gateway to…what?” Mark grunted as he could not make out the final word of the title. Squinting, he flipped the book over. There was nothing on the back, so Mark looked to the title page. After reading the full title, Mark groaned. With a shake of his head, Mark pulled out his cell phone. He waited for three rings, wondering I Samantha would even be allowed to answer in the hospital. She picked up halfway through the fourth ring.

“Ello?”

“It’s figgen Elvish,” Mark said while tossing the book back on the desk.

“Are you sure?”

“Considering all The Lord of the Rings crap in here, it can’t be anything else. All the books are out, DVDs are in front of the TV, and there are half a dozen Elvish dictionaries with pages highlighted. So yeah, I’m sure,” Mark rattled on as he kept walking. When they were dating, Mark knew of her love for the fantasy saga, but never comprehended the full extent of it.

“Could be it. Why don’t you bring some books along maybe we can figure out what she’s saying.”

“Whatever. I’m getting out of here,” Mark was about to snap the phone shut when Samantha spoke up.

“You’re going to keep your mouth shut about all this. We all know how much you hated her passions, but this is not about you. Got it?” After that, Mark hung up on her.

“Yeah, yeah,” he added while shoving his phone back in his pocket. Holding his tongue, even though there was no one around, Mark scoured the room for any kind of bag. Underneath the desk chair he found the bag Addison carried around every single day of college. It was the first thing he noticed about her on the night they met. It was crumpled on the floor while she worked at a desk. It was a normal style messenger bag, plain brown, but covered in an obscene amount of buttons and patches. He walked right up her, interrupting the hours of studying, just to talk to her about one little pin from a band he recognized. Now, years later, all the buttons were still there.

He picked up the bag slowly, but then turned it over to empty it. Papers and pens fluttered out. Mark kicked the contents of the bag under Addison’s bag. Several of the pens bounced off the boxes stored there, so he had to step around them to avoid tripping. He did not know what any of the books held, so he haphazardly shoved whatever books were near into the bag. Once it was full, Mark slung it over his shoulder. His job was done here and s he trudged onwards, slamming the door shut behind him.

Back at his car, Mark threw the bag in the backseat. Instantly, he heard Addison’s voice yelling at him for it. She loved her books, and treated them with a far different care than she ever showed him. When Mark pointed it out to her, Addison was quick to remind him of all the nights he never showed up because he was late at the gym. Over and over again, they had that fight. Each one echoed in Mark’s ears as he drove back to the hospital.

It wasn’t like they never tried to move past the barrier. Addison went with him to the gym once a week, but she was exhausted after half an hour. Mark watched her BBC shows, but he couldn’t find the appeal in a blue box traveling through space and time. When they first met and started dating, it did not matter to either of them. All they wanted was to be together, and they were happy. As the weeks turned into months and the months dragged into years, the gap pushed them apart.

Outside the hospital, Mark pushed out all the regret. Things were different now, he told himself, not completely different, but still different. Picking up the bag, he carried on. To his surprise, Samantha was at the desk, filling out forms.

“Well?” he asked her.

“The doctors just finished with her. They said she…she’s fine,” Samantha sighed, pushing back the paperwork.

“Fine? Have they spoken to her?” Mark grunted.

“Addie is perfectly fine. The cuts and breaks aren’t that bad. She just…she thinks she is someone else,” Samantha was trying to keep her voice calm. For a moment, Mark wanted to comfort her, but his thoughts were distracted elsewhere as Samantha kept retelling what the doctors said. Addison’s brain was trying to remember, but it was only able to recall what was deeply engrained into her neural pathways: walking, breathing, and Middle-earth.

“So she’s a different person,” Mark finally spoke.

“Not exactly, she—hey!” Samantha stopped to hit Mark.

“Why do you keep doing that?” he scowled at her.

“Because you’re an ass. We all get it. You’re a jack and she’s a nerd. It was never going to work. Move on,” she told him, but Mark just walked away. He was heading back to Addie’s room when Samantha grabbed his arm. Despite his protests, she dragged him into an empty room and slammed the door shut. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to,” she said while jabbing his chest.

“What the hell are you talking about? I came here to help Addie,” he defended himself. Mark tried to leave, but Samantha held him back.

“This is about sex.” He froze when she said that, unsure of how exactly to respond. “You guys never slept together when you were dating, so now you’re back for what’s yours.”

“You have no idea…and how dare you even think that!” Mark shouted. Samantha continued to stare at him blandly, so he walked away from her. His face was burning, but Mark ignored it.

“Excuse me, are you the people here for Miss Blake?” a nurse stopped him. Mark hesitated for a moment, trying to remember if that was Addison’s last name.

“Yes, that’s…that’s us. Is everything alright?” Samantha said, running over to them. She looked over at Mark, obviously still annoyed at him.

“Have you arranged taking her home yet?” the nurse asked the two of them.

“She’ll be coming with me,” Mark said, trying not to sound eager. Samantha raised an eyebrow as she opened her mouth to protest. “You live in an apartment with three other people. You can’t take care of her. And she can’t go back to her place, it’s a mess. So she’ll stay with me for now,” he rattled on. The nurse just nodded and moved on her way. Before Samantha could say anything to him, Mark shrugged his shoulders and walked into Addison’s room.

She was still in bed, nervously playing with her thin blonde hair. When Mark waved at her, she slowly nodded at them. As the two stood at the foot of the bed, neither knew exactly what to say. Biting down on her lip, Samantha pulled the bag away from Mark so she could take out a book. As she flipped through it, Addison leaned forward with recognition in her eyes.

“Pedich i lam edhellen?” she asked, smiling lightly. Samantha looked to Mark for help. He shrugged his shoulders and shuffled over to her bedside.

“Umm…look, you’re going to be coming with me. You’re going to come home with me, to my place. You…you have no idea what I’m saying,” Mark tried speaking with his hands, but soon gave up.

“Mas dorthach?” Addison asked, leaning forward.

“Why does she keep asking questions?” Mark grunted, jumping up.

“Well what else is she supposed to do,” Samantha hissed at him. While Addison watched with wide eyes as the two bickered back and forth. Finally, Samantha shoved Mark outside and told him to bring the car to the door. He left Samantha to flip through the dictionaries while he walked. Part of him wanted to hurry, but Mark knew it would not help him at all. He was right before, Addison was a completely different person. And now he had to take care of her.

Getting her into the car was problematic, yet Mark remained in the driver’s seat while Samantha guided her. Over and over again, Addison tried asking questions about the car. Samantha had apparently given up on trying to communicate, which she then showed by tossing the bag in the trunk.

“I’ll stop by later to check up on her,” she said once Addison was settled in. Mark shrugged his shoulders as a goodbye and began driving. He tried keeping his eyes on the road, but they kept getting drawn to Addison as she fidgeted in the seat. She looked adorable, unsure of what to say and playing with the front strands of her hair. Déjà vu was all he could think about. Mark tried remembering what they talked about the first time he took her back to her place, but Mark’s mind was blank.

“You hungry?” he tried asking, even though he knew very well she couldn’t answer.

“Man pennich?”

“That’s what I thought,” he sighed. Addison nodded as well and then lowered her head. He was glad when they arrived at his place, glad to have an excuse not to look at her as he searched his pockets for his keys. He had to lead Addison inside by the hand though, which made his palms sweat. She didn’t seem to notice as he ushered her inside. With a wave of his hand, Mark told her to sit down as he walked to the kitchen. In the corner of his eye, he watched Addison cautiously sit on the couch while he poured her a glass of water. It was the only thing he could think to do. She just left the hospital and she must be thirsty, he thought.

“It’s…uh, water,” Mark told her as he handed Addison the glass. She sniffed it once before taking a sip. She did not recognize the word, but knew what she held in her hands.

“Nen,” Addison told him, holding up the glass.

“Yeah, drink it,” Mark muttered as he sat down. He dropped his head and held it in his hands. Seeing her like this made Mark regret bringing her back. They had already done through this awkward getting to know you stage. He knew everything about her, every little detail. She may not remember, but Mark couldn’t help but see every memory in her eyes. She’s a different person, she’s not the same Addie, he kept thinking over and over again. Maybe soon the words would burrow into his brain and he would able to forget about the girl he dated and see the one in front of him.

“Saesa omentien lle. Manen nalyë?”

Mark looked up and sighed. It was still her voice, the light airy words that squeaked when she was overly excited. “You’re not different, are you?” he turned around to face her directly. Addison squinted as she looked him over. Worry lines creased all over his face, wrinkling as he opened and closed his mouth. Finally he stopped trying to speak. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed her.

“Man carel le? Am man?” Addison screamed, pulling herself away. Her face was flushed and she couldn’t stop rambling in her gibberish.

“Oh, just shut up,” Mark moaned. He pushed his hair back once she stopped and then took a deep breath. When he paused, Addison stood up. She was trying to leave, but Mark grabbed both her hands.

“Avo bedo! Im gruitheb na… Ti tállbe Orch!” she protested, but Mark pushed her back on the couch.

“I still…Look, I still want you. Samantha was right, this is all about being with you. But you’re…you’re you! I thought maybe, all that crap I hated would be gone. But it’s still there. I hear it, every time you open your goddamn mouth. And I just wish that…”Mark couldn’t contain anything as he angrily ran about the room. Oddly enough, Addison sat patiently by, her hands folded across her lap. She stood up and took Mark by the hands.

“Gerich veleth nín. Le meluvan úne ar alye lúmessen tenna nurucilie.” Even though he had no idea what she was saying, he could imagine he had heard it all before. None of that mattered to her, she still loved him. She was who she was, and wouldn’t change. But she’d put it aside for him, do what he wanted her to do. There was desperation in her eyes when she first said it, but it wasn’t there now. We can do this Mark, you know we can. So what are you so scared of?